/bɪ ə gʊd gɜ:l/ n. moniker of she who blogs here [also known as, bie]; adj. personal awesome advice to all female kiddos

meet the fam #thechennies

meet the fam #thechennies

Love and Such

I've been sitting on this post (and its many variations) for some time. For this particular one, I intended to post it as a surprise on ZX's birthday but of course, that didn't work. (The idea was because ze laogong is probably the most ardent supporter of my writings, he would like anything I write so birthday present: FOC Priceless.)

I decided to revisit this draft so whaddaya know, it might see the light of day (on the www) after all.

Right. You know, I know that we are rarely the PDA sort of people. But once in a while, I like to proclaim that my husband is the best one in the world. To me, anyways. So here goes:

1. He is my number one supporter
As mentioned above. He once asked me why I didn't blog for the longest time because he went to my blog every day but there wasn't any new piece. And he is really proud to tell his friends/colleagues/acquaintances that I'm a freelance writer for <insert fitness magazine>, although because it's a fitness title or because I do freelance writing, I'm not quite sure.

He was prouder that Bielet followed through with the class and shoot for this!

2. He never tells me I am fat
If you know ZX, you know he's quite the health nut. He's conscious of what he consumes and trains hard. Even though he has remarked that somebody else might look plumper/larger/bigger/okay FATTER, he has never said that about me. Add points. He also promised to be my PT so I can get back into shape. The plan was to do the exercises after the girls fall asleep, but *ahem* my PT always falls asleep before the girls so actually, this has never materialised. Minus points. He does, however, forward me URLs with content along the lines of "how to lose your tummy fat".

Minus minus minus points.

The photo I sent to him which incited his "how to lose your tummy fat" email response. Bah.

But. He still never says I am fat. Because to him, I'm perfect. (Pfffft, I made that up. HAHAHA)

3. He protects me
Some people have told me that I'm pretty low in the EQ department because I've made friends with really odd characters, and of which, two turned out to be stalkers. The first (who knew I had a boyfriend), I managed to scare away. The second (who knew I was married AND one kid then), I lost contact with when I quit my job. When ZX found out, he told me he would <insert expletive> beat the <insert expletive> up. He didn't actually punch the living daylights out of the two jokers, but I know he would have. My hero.

Don't mess with my man. (Snapped by Bielet during the last red beret parade.)

(For the record, contrary to how he speaks in his line of work with his fellow guy friends, he uses zero vulgar language at home.)

4. He treats me like a queen (of our small tiny kingdom, that is)
I've probably said this a thousand times, but he let me give up my full-time job to be sole breadwinner and even sold his precious zhng-ed car for me. Right, I know I've also whined about how crappy I feel when I want him to look after the girls when I'm tired but he just conks out. I am not superwoman ey? But all other times, I'm Queen Bie. And while he is (mostly) stingy with himself, he spares no expenses on me or the girls (on necessities). He always asks me if I am tired caring for the girls and to take care of myself too, checks whether I'm feeling alright (yes, I'm quite the pessimist but ZX brings out the best in me), solicits my opinions on things that matter to him and/or me etc.

Bet he can't do this anymore. LOL

Another case in point: He brought me to my favouritest restaurant Osia (very swanky) for my birthday, but was totally alright when I suggested Blk 85 for his. (Now I sound like a cheapskate, but actually we had some *ahem* issues with wardrobe choices of the day.) Bottom line is, while he prefers not to do the shindigs, he knows that birthdays are a big thing for me so he makes the effort to do something special. For me.

The guy who eats ba chor mee dry!

5. He talks to me
When I was watching Every Singaporean Son with my sis and bro a long time ago, I remarked that ZX talks exactly like the army guys on TV. And my sis went "he talks?!" Funny, but not funny. He might not talk to anybody, but he talks to me. Sometimes he misses out the parts that would induce a heart attack or bust an artery or maybe things he just didn't deem it important to pass on. But I know his hopes, aspirations, dreams, yadayada although mostly we just talk crap. YES, HE MAKES JOKES! SURPRISE!

(Source: wiki.jlpzj.net)

6. He embraces being a father
Yes, he's all tough and gruff but he relishes his daddy role. He was the one who steamed and cooked and pureed Bielet's first meals. He refers to Bielet as "his favourite girl" (don't tell Bieny that). He loves it when he gets to send Bielet to school in the morning before heading for work. He always tries his darnest to make Bieny laugh (maybe also cuz she has one of the cutest and happiest giggles around). He offers to carry Bieny around when we go out. He even decided that Bieny was gonna be her moniker on this blog. He says the bedtime prayer for the girls. He reads to them. He plans for their future. He makes them his priority. And the list goes on.

The girls looked cutest in this so I posted this. Oops.

We actually had this really big fallout a week back because he 'rescued' Bielet from this huge dressing down from me. I was really pissed that he 'interfered' with my teaching style (let's just say 20 and 100 aren't Bielet's favouritest numbers). I thought we agreed that he would only do the fun stuff? Then my sis pointed out that I don't want him to be an absent father. So yes, he gets to play dirty cop too then.

Do they make the t-shirts cute, OR WHAT! (It reads, "My daddy is a commando" btw.)

7. He keeps his personal life private
I used to be quite miffed that ZX never approved the tags of the girls on his fb profile. Right, I know that I post at least one picture a day of the girls and that can be a bit much for him. But since he learnt of the approve-stuff-before-they-appear-on-your-timeline function, he approves like two tags a year. What. And all he posts are his own adventure stuff or work stuff. Why doesn't he approve our family stuff?!

Then, my mum pointed out that he keeps his personal life private. That all made sense to me. He always said "don't leave a digital trail" but this wife went ahead and did it anyway. She might have done it, but he doesn't need to buy into it. Family life is family life. (Mental note to self on not being a oversharing parent.)

8. He buys me flowers (used to, anyway)
We've gone past the flowers stage, but when he was courting me, I did get the occasional bouquet. I tried to do the sappy lovestory thing and sun/dry the flowers for remembrance but it all got a bit much (and dusty). Another reason why he doesn't send me flowers anymore is because I've placed a ban. Pricey and unneeded expense, yes, but also because the last two times he sent me flowers, he got into a bit of a pickle.

When I was four months preggers with Bielet, he ordered me a bouquet of flowers before he went for a gruelling weeklong course (where we couldn't even talk on the phone, much less meet up). Then, he got into a mishap during the course that in mild terms, scared the bejeezus out of me. And when Bielet was a wee 6mo-er, he went for an overseas stint but made sure a surprise delivery of Mothers' Day flowers reached me. But as luck would have it, he got into a harrowing car accident. I had it. No more flowers. Tried proved tested hazardous to his health (and pocket).

Love love love. My calla lily bouquet from our solemnisation :))

9. He makes me laugh
My fondest memory of the wedding gifts I received is probably this card my sister wrote to me. In it, she said she was happy for me because she could see that ZX makes me happy. I like to think it's because he makes me break into the widest, silliest grin most times.

Maybe I'm biased but even stuff like this makes me lol.

So is it fist pump or fist bump?

10. He appreciates me
When others say I'm a supportive wife, I just brush it off. It's not that I don't think what I'm doing is being supportive, but hey, I already knew what I signed up for. Um, pun unintended.

When he started his job, he already prepped me for the indefinite hours at work, the long periods overseas, the only being able to plan vacays one month in advance because the schedule might change (heck expensive airfare and accommodation), the possible last minute stand-ups because of stand-bys etc. I'd admit, it was trying when the girls came along but we just had to learn to adapt.

Even though he went off on his solo climbing trips, I know he would have preferred company but the girls are still too little and anyway, I'm not as fit as before. When I took up travel stories that involved being away for three to four days, he traded diaper duty with me (when he returned from work and took over from my mum, that is). In every relationship, there's give and take and I don't necessarily see him or me giving more or taking more. We all need our own space, although maybe sometimes, people (I) prefer to have my space crammed with two kids.

So there. A somewhat (very) lengthy response to my close friend's question sometime back on whether I ever think of giving up on my marriage. I hope you (whoever's reading) figured out that my answer was No.

"Some people care too much. I think it's called love." - A.A. Milne


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