Bieny's Quirks (Part 2): Pet Phrases

After getting caught up with my travel posts and new eats recently, I thought I'd better do a catchup on Bieny's Quirks too. With two kids + a little more work + other family commitments + wedding planning (for my sis and future bil) + goodness knows what, each day seems to fly by faster than the last. Bieny also seems to be growing up way faster than I expected! Psycho-motor wise, she might not be as quick (remember I was beside myself with worry when, for the longest time, she refused to walk unassisted), but boy is she another chatterbox.

At 21mo, Bieny is really smart and super observant. She learns from the best, of course. Jiejie Bielet is a wonderful example to follow: Caring, Good Natured, Thoughtful, Mature, Hardworking and loads more. She also learns the bad stuff from jiejie, but that's another story. Mostly, she learns and picks up what Bielet is saying or doing, and can mimic them to quite a tee. Bielet was already 2yo+ when I compiled her pet phrases but here are Bieny's anyway:

1. The Basics: ABC's & 123's
Ever since I tasked Bielet to teach her meimei the basic alphabets and numbers, she has been really serious about it. Before we nap or sleep every day, she would point out the letters on the alphabet chart (stuck on the wall next to our bed) and get Bieny to repeat after her. Seeing as there are twenty-six letters and Bieny's attention span proceeds no further than 'J', it's a monumental task.

Not bad, up to 'L' liao

Bieny's favourite alphabet is "O". Everytime she sees the alphabet in a poster or book, she would jab the letter enthusiastically and holler "OOOOOOOO". It's the same when she spots it on my keyboard (it doesn't help that "O" and "0" are practically next to each other on the laptop). I've had to backspace on the chubby alphabet quite a few times when blogging or typing an email...

As for her 123's, Bieny likes to follow on after Bielet and she's now confident enough to count by herself. She goes from 1 to 6 (sometimes 7), then completely skips 8 before moving on to 9. Or sometimes she goes backwards after 6. Funny little girl.

2. Thank You
Children start out by repeating only one syllable, and "thank you" was one of the earliest phrases that Bieny learnt. To her credit, she tried combining two into one, and it became "kyu" (sounds like "cute). My friends were really pleased at her manners when she first said it to them, and they - very encouragingly - told her that yes, you are very cute too. Babies, they get away with anything.

Need to be so smug, anot?!

3. Bye See You
From that one syllable, she slowly progressed to more and the first multi-syllabic phrase she managed (that I could make out) was "bye see you". That's usually what we say when we bid farewell, right? Well, Bieny knows that part so she would use this phrase when we are going off from home, or when a family member is leaving. The funniest, though, is when she gets a scolding and still tells us "bye see you" when she makes her way out the room - in tears. So yah, it's more like "(sniff) bye (sniff sniff) see you (sniff)".

4. Morning Mama
This. Is the perk of being the first person she sees when she wakes up. As she opens her eyelids still heavy with sleep, peeks at me, blinks, then a look of recognition flashes across her face as she stretches her little arms and gently greets me with a dazed "mor-nin-ma-ma". It makes me feel I can do anything. (While awesome, that feeling fades as the day goes on and there are just soooooo many things to do. But then, it's morning again and I feel awesome again.)

Bedhair Bieny

5. Where
(Funny! I just re-read Bielet's pet phrases and #5 was also a similar "Where"!!!)

When Bieny is awake enough to realise it's just me in the room (and after her melt-my-heart-and-make-me-happy-plus-plus "mor-nin-ma-ma", see #4 above), this exchange ensues:

Bieny: Heidi where?
Me: Jiejie is at school, meimei.
Bieny: Papa where?
Me: Papa sent jiejie to school, then he went on to work.

If she walks out of the room and sees Granny or Yiyi or Ah-pa or whoever else who is supposed to be there, but isn't, the exchange continues. Bieny isn't as persistent as Bielet was - but then, it might be too soon to tell, eh?

"Excuuuuuuuuuse me, Mama, but geniuses always asks loads of questions." (Photo c/o ClickSmiles, from Arnold's birthday party)

6. I Ready (sometimes "I Really")
There are various intonations of this one. Bieny gives a chirpy "i-re-dy" when she's ready to go "ou" ("out") of the house or a fidgety, impatient "I-re-dy" when she wants to get off her high chair. The impatience usually stems from nobody helping her when she first asks, "elp me" ("help me").

At times, after she gets scolded for doing something wrongly and asked if she is ready to be a good girl yet, she manages a sniffly/sobby "i-re-ly". I think there is a discernible difference, but no one else seems to be with me on this on. Guess "i-re-ly" dunno.

"Cheyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" (Photo taken by Bielet)

7. Anna
Yes, this is Anna from the animated hit Frozen. When Bieny first started uttering "uh-na", we thought it was because she preferred the little sis from the cartoon - ya know, seeing as she is also a meimei, and maybe because Anna is so lively, and happy, and selfless, and bubbly, and so loving to Anna. Uh-oh, yes. Bieny calls Elsa "Anna" too. So maybe she's just confused. Then again, if you ask her to point to the respective characters/dolls, she does choose the right ones. She just calls them both "Anna". Hmm.

As my friend Zuzu put it, grumpiest Anna ever.

8. Hot
My little foodie loves to dive into her food and depending on her hunger meter for that meal, this could come out as a shocked "ot" and a pull-back of her hand (on touching the hot food on her plate) or a shrieked "OT" and an accompanying wail and tears and arm-flail. She can get so demanding. On that topic, she really is a fast food kid - not the Mcdee's or KFC kind, but the I NEED MY FOOD RIGHT THIS SECOND type. C'mon now: jin drama #1.

"Oh HAI, are you talking about me?!"

9. Happy Happy Happy Happy, Do
When doing up a photo/video montage of this little baby for her first birthday party, one of the songs I selected was Happy by Pharrell Williams. Then somewhere along the way, it became Bieny's favourite song. Maybe it was because Bielet kept singing the song and butchering it "because I'm happy aloooooooooooooooooone" (it's supposed to be "because I'm happy, clap along...") Or because Despicable Me 2 kept re-running on cable. Or perhaps she's really just happy.

I loved this pic so much, I cropped it to passport size for inclusion in her pre-nursery registration form!

Bieny has one of the biggest and brightest smiles, which never fails to light up the room. She is also extremely good natured (unless you're hiding her snacks, then good luck hor) and loves to dance or bop to whatever you are singing. And if you're singing Happy, she'll sing along:

Me: (with body bops and hand sways) Happy
Bieny: Happy Happy Happy Happy
Me: That's what you wanna
Bieny: Do

10. See? Nice!
Exclusive term for after you have taken a picture or a video of her (or whoever else and she saw the action).

Or if she takes the picture herself

After so many outfit photos I have taken of her and Bielet, Bieny now knows to stand against a wall to take a photo. Ideally she should also flash me her winning smile, but oh well. And after I put the phone or camera down, she would amble over, press her cheek to my face and excitedly request to "see see?". Whatever the photo that appears (it could be a really awful snap), she would exclaim loudly, "NICE!" So supportive, this one.

Even when wearing an oversized dress (my shirt, btw)

11. Why
I posted this on my facebook a while back,

Bieny: Re re re boo, pease (translates to "read book, please")
ZX: NO
Bieny: WHYYYYYYYYYYY

She loves 'em, books

Welcome to the wonderful world of toddlerhood, Bieny. So many WHY's for you to be inquisitive about, so many where's for you to explore, so many who's for you to make friends with (don't anyohow get chummy with strangers tho!), so many what's for you to conquer, and so many when's for you to get to. And I can't wait to tag along! (I promise to be fun, okay?)

Even when you insist on flossing your teeth with beehoon...

(Sigh) Or dig for boogers in public..................

Mama loves you xoxo

Onward 2015!

And so, it's the end of yet another year. I remember starting the year brimming with hope that the next 365 days would be so much better! For me, 2013 had been the lousiest year but 2014 turned out to be even lousier - beneath rock bottom, if that's even possible.

Without going into specifics (if you know, you know), I'm beyond the naive next-year-will-be-better hope. Instead, I'm going into 2015 with a I-will-be-stronger mentality. Because things won't get better but I shall face the obstacles with a more positive attitude and get through those challenges to emerge stronger. There will be lots, undoubtedly, but here are the three biggies I need to steel myself for.

Dealing with loss
Bielet very innocently asked me "why so many people go to heaven?" As we grow older, we will have to cope with loss. I don't think anyone really knows how to deal with it, we just scrape by in a dazed manner. And no, whether a passing is unexpected or not, there's no lessening the blow or enormous sense of loss that is felt. God works in mysterious ways and some day, we'll know why he called our loved ones back before we had enough time with them all to ourselves. But, instead of dwelling on the pain, I will think back of the happy times we spent together and all the laughter we shared. There will be tears and heartache and sorrow, make no mistake; but it will be wrapped with sweet memories and renewed hope for our eventual meeting in heaven.

Making time for those who matter
We all have tonnes on our plate, but I think I took on so much more than I could swallow this year. Result? I had less time for those who mean the world to me. My family and friends had to put up with my increasingly bad temper and black face. Instead of trying to work on my freelance writing and sport blog, I've decided I will be a more present wife, mum, daughter, granddaughter, sister, cousin and friend. The writing and blogging is a nice respite away from the messy home and screaming kids, but when it becomes a burden and the cause for my grouchiness ("Mama can't read that book to you now because I'm rushing my story"), it's too much. I initially thought it was a result of my poor time management, but ZX pointed out that I really can't do everything. I'll continue where I can, but I won't kill myself doing it anymore. That, and because I have finally given myself a deadline: I will rejoin the workforce in three years - I hope I'll be able to find a proper job then, given I would have been MIA for six years by then, but that's another problem for another time. It's time to appreciate my loved ones and not take them for granted anymore.

Be less guilty for making myself happy
Oh yes, story of my life. I'm no saint but I find myself bending over backwards for others that frankly, really don't matter. There are times I keep trying to schedule meetups with others but it doesn't happen because 1) the other party doesn't give a crap about me or my kids, 2) isn't the first reason not good (bad) enough?! So yes, I'm not going to grovel (never have actually, just being dramatic for the sake of it) for lunches or dinners with people who claim to be friends. If you're a good friend seeing this and thinking I'm talking about you, I'm not. I make exceptions for good friends because of course, you make me happy. But the most challenging one of them all, is actually making myself happy by myself - meaning *shock horror* sans the girls. I feel bad for 'dumping' the girls on others but I guess we need our couple time too, hee. (As I blog, ZX and I have grand plans for our first couple holiday lol.) Making myself happy alone also means just zen-ing out and reading a book, or having a nice, relaxing swim without having to make sure the kids' heads are above water, or being a fangirl with my girlfriends (HELLO JAY CHOU & BRUNO MARS).

I'm not always optimistic or bubbly or happy or positive but I will try my best to be. BRING ON 2015 RAWR

Bielet's Quirks (Part 3): I Don't Understand Why

Bielet is one of the funniest kids around - even my friends say so. I'm lucky that this little one has brought us all so much joy and laughter. Plenty of naughtiness and scolding too, but that's another story for another day....

Part 3 of Bielet's Quirks are some of her pecularities, which while driving us up the wall at times, also are so much part of who she is. Conclusion? This is one odd kid.

Happy October First, my love! (And Bieny too, of course!)
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1. She. Talks. So. Much.
Granted she's rather shy if she hasn't warmed up to you, but if she's nicely acquainted with you (or you have a handphone or tablet to share), she morphs into Little Miss Chatterbox. And she really talks on and on and on and on and on........... One of my goodest friends asked me if we find ourselves talking less since Bielet talks so much. Um, no, but the house resembles a market nowadays.

It's especially so when we are all tucked in a confined space, say the car or lift. (Mannnnnnnn, we're never going to hear the end of it if we head up Taipei 101.) She cannot stand the urge to hold her tongue, so if ZX and I are talking to each other at the front of the car, she always needs to interrupt. We keep reminding her that it isn't nice to cut in when others are having a conversation, and she replies, "But I NEED to talk."

After a full day out last Sunday, we were driving home leisurely and Bielet was just doing her usual non-stop chatter to herself. I turned to look and her eyes were closed! But yup, that wasn't gonna stop her from the continuous (incoherent) babble. Ask me for the video when we meet. It was so hilarious. ZX said, "She can't have gotten (the non-stop talking bug) from me. I think it's you." Great.

A screenshot of the said video!

Another screenshot. This was video-ed by our neighbour (on our regular playdate with the neighbour's girl, Sonia) and Bielet was going cray cray belting out nursery rhymes at the top of her lungs. Well, at least Sonia enjoyed the impromptu ktv session too.

2. Ambition to be a cleaner
For someone whose energy automatically dips to negative when she is asked to pack her books and toys up, it seems uncanny that she 'aspires' to be a cleaner. Strike that, she only wants to be a wiper. Whenever she's given a wet wipe to clean her mouth, she will use it to clean the rest of whatever is on the table since that happens mostly when we're eating out. She will wipe the table, wipe the dirty dishes and cutlery, wipe the chair etc etc. And when she's out of things to wipe, she repeats the cycle. That means starting from her mouth. EEK YUCK HELP CRINGE SCREAM RUN!

When she learnt how to open our wet wipes container, she went all loco. Using one sheet to wipe each rung of the stair, to polish each tile, to scrub the wall, to clean the door etc etc. One day, I found her with a mountain of wet wipes and tissues as she went about her cleaning (wiping) duties. I went loco, and made her fold each square and put it in a bag (for reuse to really wipe stuff off the floor). Since then, she has never repeated the mountain-act. #tigermumftw

3. Imaginary colleagues
So children have imaginary friends, it's fine. Miss Bielet has imaginary colleagues and ex-colleagues and teachers. She used to 'work' at HDB but she doesn't pull that card anymore. (Little wonder since I left about 2.5yrs ago!) I guess she does freelance teaching now because she doesn't seem to have a fixed office address. Her colleagues have rather predictable names: Shuda, Fada, something-da it seems.

We went for dinner with my fam and my mum's side the other day. Bielet wandered off by herself to the next table and my jie's boyf joined her, so she started being a waitress and went to get 'food' for him. She returned and to her chagrin, my jie was seated opposite her boyf.
"YIYI, WHY YOU SIT THERE?! My colleague is sitting there," she cried.
"Where?"
"You flattened her already."

Oh my.

Sianz.

4. "I'm hungry"
This phrase sounds like every parent's dream, eh? Except that she only says it when there are snacks around. During proper meal times, it's more like "I'm full." Actually, I'm already quite lucky because Bielet usually finishes her rice and veggies and fruit. I mean, that usually takes a huge effort but she gets the job done (an hour notwithstanding). Then, five minutes after she announced "I'm full", her eyes gleam with excitement as they land on a packet of said snacks and her tune changes to "I'm hungry!" Happens. Every. Single. Day.

Soooooooooooooo busted, Bielet.

She learnt to verbalise that she's hungry or thirsty pretty early on. But sometimes she mixes thirsty up and says she's "drinky". So we figured, she adds a 'y' (pronounced: yi) whenever she wants to do something. When she wants to draw, she's "drawy". When she wants to sing, she's "singy". When she wants to cut, she's "cutty".

Interesting range of verbs there.

5. Her favourite TV channel is CBeebies
Lucky for Bielet, my parents subscribe to the children TV channels on cable (we do no such thing at home). She started with BabyTV, then went on to Disney Junior, but her all-time favourite is CBeebies, the kiddo offshoot of BBC. Frankly, I find having to re-watch Teletubbies - yes, I did watch it during my secondary school days since my cousins were still pretty young then - and their eerie lookalikes in In The Night Garden rather disturbing. But. Bielet adores the shows. (Sarah and Duck has grown on me.)

Teletubbies (Source: http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/)

In The Night Garden (Source: http://www.desktopaper.com/)

(Source: http://www.photonstorm.com/)

I started speaking with a fake British accent and Bielet asked me why I was talking like that. I replied that I was simply following her CBeebies characters and speaking in the Queen's English. "No, they don't talk like that, Mama." But then, I got her to start listening more intently to their accents and now she asks me to talk to her in the Queen's English. I have to admit though, my accent is really kaput so don't expect me to put it on for you.

Bielet has recently realised the horror of cable TV, which is endless reruns, especially on children TV channels (the same episodes show within the same day). But she still loves CBeebies. She even knows how to change the channel herself. Whoopdeedo.

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If you liked this, see more of Bielet's Quirks. I'm slowly building up a glossary of Bieny's Quirks too.

In the dark

(Heavy stuff alert for this blog post)

I'm laying on the bed, in the dark, taking in everything that's going on around me. Or rather, not going on.
11pm and the three lodgers in my room (I call dibs since I am technically the first occupant, it being my family home) are all snoring - YES, all.

When I first moved in here, I was beyond happy because it was my first own, mine-all-mine room.
I fussed over every detail and got so upset when the contractor got the colours of my customised shelves mixed up. In our recent home reno, my green shelves which used to be lined with my books and CDs has been torn down. Blame it on a certain little person who kept jumping on the bed and bopping her head. Hard.
From my single bed, the room has seen an upgrade to a queen bed and cot, but now we've rid the crib and four of us contort ourselves in the awkwardest positions, somehow making it through the night. In my case: Barely.

When I was in secondary school, I used to have to sneak in phone calls to and from friends in the dark. I even had to turn off the ringer on my parents' room phone every night so my friends could call me without them knowing. That was probably the baddest I was. (Hashtag: Epic fail pot shot at being a rebel.)
These nights, I still sneak around when the lights are out but it's because I don't want to disturb the said three occupants, especially the smallest one who has a laptop radar. Every time I turn on the laptop, she wakes up!
So I end up doing work and catching up on blogs, fb and ig in complete darkness on my mobile. My eyes are going to fail me sooner rather than later.............

Another common occurrence that has also happened of late, are the heavy thoughts that fill (and sometimes overwhelm) me under the cloak of darkness. Too many family tragedies - as it is, one is one too many - and so many other worries weighing on my mind. When people ask baddies in movies how they sleep at night (when they should be so awash with guilt), I wonder if what I'm feeling is what they are supposed to feel like.

My uncle who lost his wife (my aunty, duh) told his sister (another aunty, even more duh) who lost her only son, that the nights are the hardest. If I'm already feeling this melancholic at night, I can't even begin to think how they must be feeling.

But it's true: In the dead of the night, when the buzz of the day has lessened and the excitement where light falls has quietened, when you are at peace and about to doze off, the sense of dread and helplessness creeps up silently and jabs you straight in the heart. The pain, oh, that pain is so vivid, so cruel and jagged that it seems impossible to bear for yet another second. Your heart cries out and every fibre of your being loses its strength. You feel like a ragdoll that has been tossed around good by a class of overzealous preschoolers.

If I'm lucky, relief (and release) comes in the form of tears. But mostly, I just continue laying in bed, letting my eyes wander around the room as I reminisce happier times the room/house has seen until I find myself staring at the blinds and willing my vision to go on past to the empty, darker sky. There are no more tears to cry. My comfort will have to come from unreciprocated hugs, from whomever is closest to me in bed that night.

Then tomorrow will come. A brand new day, brimming with so much hope and fresh opportunities to pick myself up. Until the black of the night, I find myself succumbing again. And the nagging thought that never disappears: What about them?

Bieny's Quirks (Part 1): A summary

Can you believe that my baby has turned 13mo? Bieny has blossomed so beautifully, not just filling out her cheeks and growing into her doll-like features, but in the way she interacts with her sister and us. It always warms my heart to see the two girls play with each other, share their favourite toys (okay, most times grudgingly!), give the other a hug or kiss, sneakily stuff their faces with snacks when they think we aren't looking... This list is endless!

I loved jotting down Bielet's quirks and while an update on that is long overdue, I wanted to start one for Bieny too. If you're thinking: how come this lazy mother is not bothering to come up with a different, catchy phase for the little one, I CAN'T! Like literally. Totes wrecked my brain left right centre but nothing stuck. So I'm just sticking to quirks. I liiiiiiiiiiike.

1. Pat pat

When Bieny is afraid or she needs to calm herself down after accidentally choking on some food, she pats herself on her chest. Imagine that little hand with five chubby fingers (four chubby fingers and a large baby thumb, whatever) going thump-thump-thump, as she rounds her eyes and mouth for dramatic effect. It's the cutest thing ever, trust me. Especially if you cough and she pats you. When she does something wrong, though, she skips the pats and just waves her hands up in the air (ala mock it-wasnt-me flailing). For a small kid, she is surprisingly alert. One time I rapped her for taking a sticker (she's banned because she eats them all) and she looked away while desperately trying to shake the sticker off her hand. It was a major fail meme moment, but probably also the second cutest thing ever. 

Said arm flailing

2. Semi Miss Chatterbox

Unlike Bielet who talks and talks and talks AND TALKS, Bieny comes across as quite subdued. All that seems set to change because she can call jiejie, papa, mama, manny [a combi of 'ma' (from 'mama') and 'ny' (from granny), for Granny of course], a-pa [what Bielet calls Grandpa too] and does it all day long. She could say yiyi previously, but I think I might have been somewhat harsh on her (what's with calling my sis 'yiyi' before saying MAMA?!) and she hasn't called my sis since. Oops. In other news, she also knows amen (mostly, it's menmenmen), where (if you're lucky, sometimes with the outstretched, upward palms), there (with accompanying point of the finger), baby, dog, bird, apple, bb (for banana), light among other imperceptible babbles... NOT BAD RIGHT!

3. Leg wag

Okay, this is probably because Bieny spends too much time with my bro's sheltie. From where she's usually perched at in her walker, it's the perfect height - of the doggie's wagging tail. And Mitten (our sheltie) is known for being overzealous and enthusiastic, so the tail probably wags a bit too much. Just like how Bieny's leg (mostly the right leg) wags a bit too much. There was a time this placid baby only showed her pleasure with this leg wag: slightly amused = a couple of leg swings, happy = a couple of leg swings and maybe, an upturned mouth, over the moon = rigorous rocking of the leg, upturned mouth (maybe teeth too!) and at the extreme, you get a rocking belly dance too. For the record, it only happens when she watches the Let It Go singalong video. Baby addict.

I don't have any pics for her leg wagging stunts, but she usually has this mega chuffed look accompanying the rocks.

4. Jin drama (translation: very dramatic)

Bieny has been dubbed "jin drama number one" in the family. The rank order is arbitrary, because Bielet randomly assigned the rank number (she said she's number three and my bro is ranked number two - but if you know my bro, he's the least dramatic person in the world). But actually, Bielet might be on to something. Because Bieny is ULTRA dramatic. When she throws a temper, she flings herself either fully forward or backwards. She could be seated in her walker, on the floor or in someone's lap: doesn't matter. I've lost count of the number of times her head had a full on collision with the chair back, floor, wall or even that someone's chest. Oh, and did I mention, the uncountable decibel range of her accompanying shrieks? All together now: jin drama.

Screaming as loud as she can

5. Goodbye kiss 

As you would expect, Bieny has mastered quite some actions. Other than those above, other notable actions include turning round and round while seated on the ground (using her heel to manouvere her spinning), high fiving the whole world (even when we're high fiving each other, and not her, she raises her hand for your palm - demanding for seconds, sometimes thirds), making weird noises by popping her arm in and out of her mouth (ask to see her video), and throwing her legs up and down lying in bed. She also does a fairly normal wave of the hand to say goodbye, but it's her "goodbye kiss" that is classic. First, it was a raise of her hand to the nose instead of the mouth (a bit off, never mind, give chance). Some time later, it became a finger to the nose (her favourite daily action, btw, to see the ewwwwwwwwwwwwww response of everyone around). Then, it was a finger into the mouth maybe because that time had bad teething pains too). Next, was a hand to the forehead (getting in on salutes to Papa early). And now? Back to the finger in her nose. EW.

Sigh.

6. Kiss

A tad more civilised than her goodbye counterpart. When you ask for a kiss, Bieny actually dips her head towards yours and plants a smacker. I love to disturb her and ask for multiple kisses. Hee. She's so used to her crazy mama that just the other night, I laid next to her while she rolled around in bed and every time she rolled to me, she would aim a kiss on my lips. These times are really precious, 'kay, because Bielet doesn't like me to kiss her anymore. *WAILS* 

7. Spoon and cup

For some time now, Bieny's favouritest toys have been a spoon and a cup. Any spoon and any cup, actually. (It used to be a pen - which was what she chose during her first year birthday traditional crawl too!) Now, she grabs from the masak masak box or off the table during mealtimes. She is really focused when she stirs the little spoon in the cup, then proceeds to feed herself (pulling out a very slobbery spoon) and then whoever's next to her (umm thank you but no thank you). Another thing she loves doing with the spoon and cup is to tap the inside to make a kok kok sound. Funny!

(Thanks for the brilliantly captured snap, Winnie!)

8. Sound of Music

This little girl loves her sound toys. Whenever we go out, I always make sure there's at least one toy with loud noises and many buttons to press so that she's sufficiently entertained. Those books where it starts singing a different nursery rhyme or song when you turn the page is one of her favourite toys. Also, my cousin and her husband bought a walker-cum-motorbike for Bieny's first birthday and it has super, awesome loud jingles. Bieny loves to ride on the motorbike, just to push the buttons, then maybe she'll kick around to get forward. It's quite unglamorous, to be honest, but hey as long as you get from A to B right?

Bieny more intent on pushing the buttons

But she looks SO GROWN UP here, doesn't she? Thanks Doreen & Gerald for the wonderful gift :))

9. Selfies

Yes, we have arrived, haven't we. I take so many photos of Bieny that she gets all excited when I change my handphone to selfie mode. She doesn't preen or pout, thank goodness, but she delights in crawling to the phone and poking her fingers all over the screen (her face). That results in many failed pictures, obviously, but I still download them all anyway.

Even Bielet wants more action packed shoots!

There's so much more but these round up my favourite quirks of my littlest girl. The older you get, the funner you are, Bieny. Mama relishes all the time spent with with you, hearing you laugh, making you cry so I can get the warmest hugs, chasing you around the house so you're all sweaty and clammy but still the best smelling baby in the world to me. Mama loves you xoxo.

A letter to my 20yo self

Before the year ends, I just wanted to say hi since we haven't talked in a bit.

So you've started year one of NUS and really enjoyed reading for soci so far. Go ahead and plunge into your studies because university is the best time of your life. It's when you toss rote learning out the window and never look back.
They say a general degree won't bring you far in today's society, and it's true that you won't be doing a profession related to your studies. But you would have loved every minute of knowledge, debate and discovery.

You will very soon start dating your best guy friend, after much hemming and hawing, the two of you decide to give each other a go.
It's kind of awkward when you meet your exes, but trust me, it will pass. The husband and you will remain good friends with them both.
And you will go on to fall more in love with him every day and eventually have the two most beautiful girls.
And he, will be everything you hoped for and more. So throw caution to the wind and love with all your heart.

After four years of disappearing from your best friend's life, you will reconnect with her by sobbing your heart out.
This is the best decision you have made in a long time.
She will be there when you laugh, when you cry, when you rejoice, even when you mourn.
You've always wished for a girlfriend that would never let you go. This is she. Make sure you never let her go too.

And guess what? You will eventually reconcile with old friends that you thought you had lost. Enjoy those wistful moments you didn't think would happen again.
There are also firm friends you made from school days and from work, who will make you appreciate what you have in life and stand by you when you are down. It might seem improbable now but really.

Pocket wise, stop taking money from your mother. She is spoiling your sorry ass (and will continue to do so for a damn long time). Stop making excuses and earn some money yourself.
And on that note, stop spending money on frivolous buys. Hairclips, spaghetti strap tops, boxer undies, graphic tees, bermudas, cushions and soft toys are some examples that immediately come to mind.

Exercise now. You're going to wish you were always this fit.

Don't try to ditch the Coke. It won't work. Sigh, but you should.

Go back to Church. Because.

But most importantly, spend more time loving your family and less time on inconsequential spats. Relish the curries with Ah Gong and Ah Ma, the shopping trips and gossip seshs with Qiu, the CNY get togethers with the extended gang and come home for dinner with Mumo, Daddy, Jie and Vin.
You knew it was coming, but you will never be prepared to lose your loved ones when the time comes. Still, after the tears and heartache, you will believe deep down that heaven is a better place for them.

Happy New Year, Bie. May you find strength in being the person you hope you will become. Just a bit stubborn, depressed at times and anti-social. Unfortunately, you won't shake off those traits. And neither will your grasp of Chinese be very much better. Work harder at that though because your daughters are counting on you (and much more).

Love, 30yo me

Of mummies and daddies

Who denies that mummies are the greatest?

We carry the bun in the oven for a whole nine months, and suffer aches pains scars forever on.
We grit our teeth and push like mad but daddy is the first one to see bub (the gore and blood amidst which babies are pooled in is not a pretty sight, admittedly).
We have to get up at odd hours while sleep-starved to pop the boob - and there daddy is blissfully drooling on his marathon snooze. And snoring, to boot.
We give up our jobs to stay home with the kids, throwing away our hard-earned qualifications to become homemaker instead of the high-flier we envisioned ourselves years earlier. (For a while, at least.)
We watch hours of babytv/barney/sesame street, read every book twice over, sing and recite every hymn or nursery rhyme we can remember just to get the kids to sleep, then daddy bangs the door while going to the loo.
We soak up pee from the sheets, clean our poop-stained clothes, sprint to the public john when the kids scream "I need to pee NOW" and all this time, daddy is enjoying his cuppa.

We always think of what we are going through, and chastise our other half for not doing enough.
But aren't they?

They carried our bags and massaged our legs when we were preggers aka not-so-little-mrs-grumps.
They held our hands during childbirth, ruffled our hair and cheered us on while all the time wishing they could take our place (and pain away) instead.
They sleep so that they can help out when we need to sleep. Well okay, maybe this one is a bit of a stretch. But they do lament that the boob ain't theirs anymore and that baby is bonding with us, not them.
They shoulder the responsibility of bringing home the bacon while we play house - not exactly their idea of what their life would be either, especially when we were all freezing together in central library and burning the midnight oil. Oh, and that's why they snore because they are too exhausted from work (and pretending like everything at work is easy and breezy, just so we wouldn't have something else to worry about.)
They banged the door because they had to go. Would you rather they did their business with the door wide open?
They seem not to have a pee-poop radar because they just don't. Shit happens, deal with it. Do you know what they did in NS? And it's not like they don't want to bring Junior to the public toilet but how many more ladies than gents are equipped with kiddo changing stations and mini toilet bowl seats? Plus do you really want your girl seeing a bunch of uncles and their *ahem* (no excuses if your kids are boys, I suppose).

So while mummies are awesome, don't forget that daddies are way up there too.

Thanks ZX, for being the best papa to our girls that you can be. And
For making them laugh and smile when mama is throwing a hissy fit. For bringing them out to play as you promised when all you actually want to do is concuss on the bed. For letting me stay home with them and enjoying their growing up years (and do bit parts of writing) while you slog it out.

I know there's nowhere you'll rather be here than here with us on your birthday. Right, maybe it would be a perfect-er picture if we were all camped somewhere outdoors with a caravan nearby and some crags along the way.
But still, Happy Birthday! Lots of love, hugs and kisses from us at home :)) We can't wait to see you!

Dear Bielet :: Tuesday's Thoughts

Date: 5 Jun 2013
Event: Gynae Visit

Dear Bielet,

Mama went to the doctor today so that we could check that meimei is okay, and whether we will see meimei soon. The doctor said we can expect baby within 1 week!

Suddenly I felt a twinge of sadness as I realise that it's the last week I have with you being the sole centre of my world. Soon you will be upgraded to jiejie and there will be a little someone else to welcome in our cosy family (with two centres of my universe to protect and care for - technically not correct, but emotionally very much possible). Tears are welling up in my eyes and I don't really know why. Words evade me at this point and I struggle to express the conflicting emotions inside me.

I'm excited, of course, and I hope you never forget that Papa and Mama will still love you as much even with meimei around. Even when you become a jiejie, you are still our precious baby.

Has it been two years already?! (Photo: Michel Tay Photography)

It fills me with such pride and love that you are already being such an awesome big sister.

When
I see you hug my big tummy and say "Hi baby"
You kiss my protuding belly button in the shower, just because
You rub my bump forlornly with a soft "Sorry meimei" after an accidential kick
You reply proudly to anyone asking what is your meimei's name that it is "TIFFANYCHEN"
And even when you try to share your toy balls with meimei by balancing it on my impossibly round tumtum, but eventually give up with a defeated "Baby no hands"

I know you will be a great big sister. Even though there will be tiffs, disagreements or even full-on fist fights, I know you will still love meimei because you are such a sweet tempered and lovable girl with the biggest heart.

You know
When we are sad or unhappy and never fail to cheer us up with a hug and kiss
How to act adorable to ease the tension and wriggle your way out of trouble (not the best jiejie behaviour but I'll take it!)
To sayang us when we are under the weather
How to be a good girl but also chide whoever does something to displease us

I'm so proud of how far you've come, sweetheart, and will always love you with all my heart. Papa too. And meimei had better. 

Planting a smacker on Bielet who was dozing off after her swim class last week. Looks like I'm blowing her forehead instead?! ;))

Xoxo,
Mama

P/S: Meimei must have read Mama's thoughts because she only just made her 'appearance' about 1.5 weeks after the said gynae visit. And in those 11 days, I hugged you more and gave you one more kiss every time I could, Bielet. *Beams*

:: Linking Up With ::

:: Flashback :: 5mo Bed Time Blues ::

So after blogging on my bed time blues with Bielet, I kinda recalled that I wrote something about her snooze antics before. True enough, I dug out one of my fb notes and thought it would be a nice addition to my blog. Hee.

This was when she was 5mo and I had just gone back to work after luxuriating in 4mths of maternity leave.

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When Bielet sleeps with arms poised in a surrender, she is deep in slumber.
She also likes to sleep with arms outstretched. Cute as it may be, I am somewhat cheesed off when that means I have no place to lie cuz I don't want to crush her tiny arm or shift her back to her rightful spot on her pillow...
If her arms are pointing down, she will be waking up soon.

She has established a new position the past week - sleeping on her side, cosying up to me :)
Maybe it's cuz ZX is away and there is no Papa to protect or sayang her for now.

Bielet makes a big fuss normally at 3am or 4am, tossing and turning from side to side, but I realise she's actually sleeping (or semi-sleeping) cuz her cute little eyes are still shut.
When she is actually ready to sleep proper without any more drama, she turns on her side to face me (still asleep) and splats her hands into my face to announce her decision that the wayang is over.

Her small fingers curl up.
Her cheeks stop their chubby-ing as she no longer sucks her lower lip-cum-imaginary pacifier.
Her little chest rises up and down ever so slightly.
Her tiny hot breath puffs into my temple.

With me back at work, what little time I have with Bielet is so precious.
I love having her sleep next to me.
Every inch of the little her.

Goodnight sweetheart. Meet in dreamland! Xoxo.

[Penned 26 Mar 2011]

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Plus some old pictures of Little Bie when she was just a tiny baby. They really grow up so fast, don't they?!?!?!

One of the cuddles I got from Bielet in her sleep :))

This uber cute face is sooooooooooo irresistible! How to not plant a big fat kiss on her chubby cheek?!

Mid-pout when she was sucking her imaginary pacifier. Heart.

And to be greeted by her lovely mop of bed hair in the morning. Hee.

Bed Time Blues

Bielet is almost 31mo.
Have been trying to get her to sleep in her own bed, but our unpredictable night schedules make this quite difficult.
Especially with ZX away and us staying over at my parents' most weeknights these couple of months (and my room only has one queen sized bed)...
She is actually quite okay sleeping in her own bed at home, just so long as mama snuggles in with her until she falls asleep.

It seems like just yesterday that Bielet was a small bub.
We let her sleep in her cot the first couple of nights but night time nursing was such a battle that I succumbed to letting her lie in between ZX and I. So easy - cue cry for milk, lie on side, pop the boob, sleep - and repeat again in next 2.5hrs.
Sure, I did have the occasional (or more) jolt from my sleep to make sure her breathing was uninterrupted and that we/blanket/pillow hadn't smothered her.

Then the days became weeks, later months.
Even when I stopped nursing Bielet, I loved cuddling her to sleep - especially since sleeptime was probably the most I spent with her after I returned to work.
Her hot little breath on my cheek, the usual flap of a little palm onto my nose, a sudden kick jabbing my ribs. I loved them all.

Now that I've stopped working full-time and spend so much more time in the day with Bielet, I know I really should encourage the independent sleeping.

But

I miss our head jostling matches for my pillow
I miss holding her tiny hand and interwining my fingers with hers when our hands meet
I miss her rolling over and hugging me for no reason at all
I miss the little snores of hers reverberating through my eardrums
I miss sometimes finding a toe at my chin
I miss hearing her once-in-a-blue-moon sleep chatter or giggles
(But I sure don't miss catching a whiff of a soiled diaper)

You guessed correct that I'm typing this while in bed with Bielet.
She's growing up too fast, me thinks. Soon, I won't have a choice because she won't want to sleep with me :((

#mamaproblems

Bielet's Quirks (Part 2): Pet Phrases

Thanks everyone who told me you enjoyed reading Part 1 of Bielet's Quirks :)) It was really nice to receive encouraging words on my writings, tho all credit goes to Bielet for having the best hugs ever! And as promised, here's Part 2.
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Bielet likes to talk. Like really (previous posts on her baby babble, here and here). When she was a wee cherub (read: indistinguishable words), I could just sit with her and listen to that adorable baby talk all day. Now that she has a clearer vocab, it's even more fascinating to be around to hear her use a new word for the first time! For a start tho, you should know that there are a few pet phrases that she uses on a daily basis. Here goes:

1. No laughing
Like who the heck taught her this, I dunno but it is so funny that it makes us laugh even more.

It could be something in relation to what she said or someone else, but if the reaction is your chuckle, you can be sure to receive a very condescending "No laughing" - plus a solemn talk-to-my-hand action and an evil eye. Imagine the strictest but most polite headmistress. That's my little girl.

We keep telling her that it's okay to laugh when we are happy but to hear her "No laughing" command really makes your day. Especially if any giggles still escape us and she crosses her arms while repeating said phrase. And an awesomely deadpan glare.

Classic deadpan glare. Love.

2. On myself
Welcome to the terrible twos where she's starting to assert her independence. (Disclaimer: I've heard the term 'terrible twos' many a time but thankfully, Bielet is in her 'tame twos'. I think mama is too fierce for her to turn terrible! O_o)

Whenever Bielet wants to do anything BY herself, she will use the oft-phrase "on myself".

Example #1: "Heidi bathe on myself. Mama stay outside." She insists on showering herself and I'm quite happy to let her do it, except that she soaps and shampoos the walls and glass doors instead of herself. If we had it her way, she would just be watered while the rest of my loo would be sparklingly clean.

Example #2: "Heidi walk on myself." While we stand absolutely firm that she holds our hands when we walk across the road/carpark or up the escalator, she very much prefers walking solo. She first announces it by uttering the above phrase then releases herself from your clutch and literally holds her own hand, little fingers all intertwined. Like during her prayer (except she's trotting along). Trot trot trot.

3. So scary
Think Mitten's decibel-busting barks and shrieks of excitement when my bro or anyone familiar arrives home (Mitten is my bro's sheltie, btw). Think a sudden bang of thunder. Think someone shouting angrily at another person.

Bielet jumps in shock then runs for cover in the arms of the nearest one or couch or pillow. Then she exclaims "So scary" and pats her chest to calm herself down.

Sharing a (quieter) moment with her best friend, Mitten

Oh, think also ginormous ducks hovering around you. Yeah, she went on her pre-nursery excursion to the Animal Resort and told us after that "Ducks so scary". Her teacher, Ms Tan, told my mum that she got frightened by the geese but enjoyed herself otherwise. I'll say. It's been almost a week since the outing and she's still proclaiming her scary duck story to everyone. H7N9, anyone?

You've actually met the scary ducks before, Bielet! (Earlier visit to Animal Resort)

4. Please {insert name} can I have {insert object of desire} please?

Object here mostly refers to a snack or gadget. It figures that these are what motivated her to articulate her most complete and clearest sentence...

She first used it when she discovered a tube of Gerber stars in the kitchen trolley. I was so awestuck by the clarity of her speech that I must have OD-ed her on the stars snack. Ditto for my mum and her iphone. Gosh, are we suckers or what?!

5. Where my {insert person/object of desire}? Where?
Seemingly common question. Except that our convo goes something like this. (Below is for 'person of desire')

Bielet: Where my A-pa? Where?
Me: A-pa is in Simei, sweetheart.
Bielet: Where my Granny? Where?
Me: Granny is with A-pa in Simei.
Bielet: Where my Mitten?
Me: Mitten is with them in Simei. She's guarding the house, right?
Bielet: Where my A-pa and Granny?
Me: Like I said earlier, they're at Simei.
Bielet: Where Yiyi? Where Uncle Robin? Where Kevin Ah Gu? Where Aunty Jenny? WHERE?

And this line of questioning can go on for an entire car journey. She usually fires these questions right after the said parties leave us. Like when we leave her kindergarten, she usually demands the whereabouts of her teachers and half her class (and their parents/grandparents)...

As for 'object of desire', the question is mostly rhetorical cuz she remembers where she placed the item. She asks, then hunts for it and triumphantly announces "Oh there! I found it!" If she fails to find the object, she will put on the saddest look she can muster with a "It lost" until you feel so sorry for her that you would rather waste ten thousand years of your life locating then digging it out from her mess, I mean, mass of toys.

6. Terrible
When I referred to a condescending tone in "No laughing", I mean Condescending here. Say whenever Mitten pees or poops out of her newspaper-lined tray, Bielet will bao-toh "Mitten poo poo all over" then shake her head in disapproval, saying "TERRIBLE". Most times tho, she uses it on her toys.

If you're wondering who taught her this, I concede it was me. But it was because I needed a substitute word for the horrendous drivers on the road or anything else that pissed me off BAD. "Terrible" ain't such a bad cuss word sub, right?

7. I tired
Try as you might to get Bielet to do something against her will, she will mutter a quick "I tired" then pretend to lean against her seat and close her eyes. Like if she sang a song really well and you wanted an encore but she felt otherwise.

Calling her bluff - really looks like she's sleeping here, right?!

The meal-time equivalent when she doesn't want anymore is "Eat so much, tummy ache. I full." Usually accompanied by a stick-out-tummy-action (sometimes with a tummy rub) and a low sigh. Also pushes plate or bowl away.

8. Tummy ache
From above. "Tummy ache" isn't used exclusively in negative terms. When Bielet wants to weasel another snack from me, I usually use my "You can't eat so much (for instance) jelly, sweetheart, or you will get a tummy ache." To which, she flashes her cheeky, dimpled smile and replies laughily, "I want tummy ache!"

Rare capture of her cheeky little smile!

"I wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnt tummy ache!"

9. Sit here, don't move
Again, mainly reserved for her toys. She carries the toy to the chair and commands them not to move an inch (with a stern palm in their face, I might add). Must be what her teachers are saying to her in school cuz she sometimes includes "Sit here, don't move. Mrs Eppie say." (Mrs Eppie is the assistant teacher)

"Sit here, don't move. Mama big smile."

(Disclaimer: Bielet lined up all the toys herself before plonking herself down and asking me to snap a photo, i.e. "big smile".)

10. Dear Lord, thank you for the milk milk milk
Perhaps my favouritest of her pet phrases. As far as prayers go, Bielet could say "Amen" first. Then she learnt "Dear Lord" and the accompanying clasp of her hands. A few months back, I started getting her to verbalise what she was thankful for.

Me: Dear Lord
Bielet: Dear Lord
Me: Thank you for...
Bielet: The milk milk milk**
Me: Thank you for providing the yummy milk that Heidi drinks. For giving her the strength and energy she needs to be healthy and strong. Thank you also for...
Bielet: Papa
Me: Thank you also for blessing Papa and keeping him safe. For bringing him back to us, dear Lord. Thank you for...

And she rattles off a list of people and things she wants to give thanks for that day.

(After giving thanks for whoever she lists) Me: Thank you for blessing us and all our loved ones. In Jesus' name?
Bielet: AMEN

** Giving thanks for her milk happens every prayer, whether meal-times or bedtime

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As a November baby, I realise that Bielet doesn't speak as well as her other classmates (some of whom were born in January of 2010). I worry that Bielet is frustrated in school because nobody understands her.

But my sweetheart, mama understands. Xoxo.