/bɪ ə gʊd gɜ:l/ n. moniker of she who blogs here [also known as, bie]; adj. personal awesome advice to all female kiddos

meet the fam #thechennies

meet the fam #thechennies

Worst Day Ever - My Bad Mom Day

I had an awful day today. Utterly terrible. Worst Day Ever.

The day started fairly normal. It was raining cats and dogs (typical start to every morning now it seems), and ZX getting ready for work, weighing the options as to whether he should drive to work or get me to be chauffeur. I voted for the former as I had been up the night before trying to finish my silly Pride and Prejudice and Zombies book, and looking worse for wear. Actually, looking like one of the said Zed thingys. ZX agreed and left, while I fluttered back to dreamland.

Finally awoke proper after snoozing the damn alarm for over an hour. (Bet my neighbours hate me.) Had to force Heidi out of her hibernation and have her brekkie at 1030. Damn late, I know. She almost finished her cereal, save for 2 mouthfuls, so I rewarded her with some Rice Krispies and milk. Realised NCIS was on the goggle box so I remained glued for the next 1.5 hours. Tore myself back to reality and bundled Heidi in her pram to the supermarket for our groceries.

Turned out to be a bad idea, because the Shop 'N' Save is too small for me to maneuver the pram and the eager hands within (always out and swiping stuff off the shelves actually) on a busy Saturday late morning/afternoon? Screams. Finally finished. Wave of relief.

Had to prepare for lunch upon arriving home, so I popped Heidi in front of the teevee and busied in the kitchen. Forgot to mention that I had to separate 2 kg worth of frozen chicken into small bags too (because I'm fed up of having to throw away fresh meat that has gone bad in my fridge). There I am, trying my darnest to chop and rip the frozen meats and the little one appears at the kitchen, kicking up a huge ruckus. See, she hates it when she's alone behind the gate while mama is having so much fun in the kitchen. Fun being wincing at your frostbite-esque digits and your arms/elbows doing unglam chicken wing actions. It took close to 50 minutes, I reckon, which was the same amount of time that Heidi was screaming her head off. The duration also takes into consideration the diversion of screaming back at Heidi to go watch teevee and stop crying everytime I'm in the kitchen (it happens everyday, every meal time) and not distracting my herculean efforts at chipping off frozen bits.

After the frozen crap incident is over, I still have to prepare lunch. Hooray. Chop chop, scream scream, slice slice, cry cry, wash wash, shriek shriek. You get my drift. Finally let Heidi into the kitchen with the stern warning to sit on the chair and not to trapeze around my knives and stove. After the veggies and meat are cut, I turn around to find the precious nugget slumped over her blanket, fast asleep. Since I still had to cook the food, I tucked another chair under her and lay her lying down in the kitchen. See proof below. Spent the next half hour cooking my 'pizza' or french toast topped with chicken, salmon, cauliflower, mushrooms, carrots and cheese.

Had to wake Heidi up again, and surprisingly, she awakes without much fuss. Phew. Propped her in her high chair and served up my 'pizza' with a flourish. She eyes it suspiciously and prods it with her fingers, before picking a piece up and biting into it cautiously. The hand retreats and the fingers proceed to pick all the toppings off. She eats a few bites of the french toast and moves on to nudify another piece. Decides mama's must taste better. Swapped. Comes to the conclusion that nothing tastes nice. Begins to throw every bit of food onto the floor. Despite the coaxing and praising her for nibbling the veggies, I was fast losing it. This is already 3+ in the afternoon. Screaming ensued, all round. It was getting ugly. Left her in her high chair while I whipped up another dish of corn and chicken, with backup dishes of instant tofu and veggies gyoza as well as pumpkin puree. All this while, she is crying her little lungs out and I am shouting back at her to shut it. OMGGGGG I can't believe I was such a bitch.

She quietens down as I approach, and her puffy red eyes with fresh tears streaming down her cheeks hit me like a ten-tonne rock. She chokes back her sobs and tries to stop her tears. Then she peers excitedly in the bowl and starts to chat to the kernels before nibbling each corn. So cute right, but I remain unfazed and give her my best steely cold stare to show my displeasure. She skips all the chicken bits. Big Sigh. She is finally bored of her corn-y monologue, so I clear the dishes and give her some Pediasure. My sis prescribed this as Heidi is eating so worryingly little in comparison to her Duracell bunny energy level. She drinks only 100 ml worth. It is 4 o'clock.

Continued to give her the cold treatment and cold teevee turkey. I resume my book from last night until half an hour later, for her shower. Everything today is delayed by a few hours. Same scenario resumes after the bath. Heidi gets bored of trying to crack mama's ice through monologues and toy demonstrations and book readings. Until the bff appears at the door with a chirpy greeting. Heidi is so happy that someone has come to rescue her from evil mama!

It's so nice to have the bff over to cheer all of us up :):) We talked, laughed and entertained Heidi who was delighted to have her godma save her day. Fast forward to dinner (which the bff had dabao-ed in) and Heidi refused to eat more than a few morsels of rice, a couple of sips of fish soup and some nibbles at the boiled and fried fish slices. Me got upset again. In contrast, the bff was so patient that it put me to shame. She played with Heidi to coax her to eat and praised her for eating that one more little bit. She never scolded Heidi once. And she also suggested I lay newspaper on the floor so that I don't waste my tissues and wet wipes as well as unnecessary temper on cleaning each time Heidi throws food down (that one I already know actually, but we don't have a newspaper subscription so I have no choice!), and kept the mood in the room light so that I didn't blow up. It's quite cheesy, but my bff is a godsent :):) Hope you know how important you are to me!

Finally, close to 10, the bff had to leave. Heidi was more than ready to pack up and go with her. Shucks, even my own daughter hates me. The bff passed Heidi back to me at the door, and Heidi fell asleep about half an hour later.

With the cherub asleep, My Bad Mom Day has come to a sort of close. Not before I post this anyway. As a reminder that I have to keep my bad temper in check and be more patient still. I'm all that she had today and if the bff didn't come, then the putrid stench of my decomposed temper would have ended the day. I would still be in a foul, unforgiving mood, and Heidi would have sobbed herself to sleep unhappily.

Mothers aren't made of quick tempers, grudges or steel facades. Mothers are patient, understanding, forgiving and full of love. Sure, I don't want to spoil Heidi, but I definitely don't want to scar her either. I suppose it's about finding that fine line and not tipping the scales too much in either direction. If she kicks up a fuss about food again, it must be that the food isn't tasty enough for her little tastebuds so I just need to pull up my socks and please the junior connoisseur. As it is, even I find my cooking superbly substandard, what more my baby? Maybe I should think how my mum would have reacted if I was as picky as Heidi then. I'm sure she wouldn't have lost her temper on me because my mum's the sweetest. That's why Mothers are so great. I hope I become one too.


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